Muslim College Life: Dating, Drinking and Deen???

Freedom

Young people live for the day when they can move out of the house and go to college and finally be free. Freedom from their parents, from restrictions on their lifestyle, from everyone telling them what to do.
This is why in college you find a whole generation that does what they want. Life's short they say, let's enjoy ourselves while we can.
So it goes for Muslims. In college you find the most amazing things, Muslims who don't pray, Muslims who date , go out to parties and drink.

Why is this happening?For one, when students go off to university they finally realize that what they believed in was blind. Religion becomes like a fairytale, when they got old enough, they knew better than to believe in it.
Most have little knowledge about Islam and have maybe memorized the right rituals to get by. Why believe something on faith, they ask. After all we cannot see heaven or hell.  How do we know Islam is right anyway?
Islamic culture to them means marrying someone they never knew. It means arranged marriages and never hanging out or having fun.
For girls Islamic culture has even less to offer. It would mean double standards or having to serve a husband the rest of her life.
The western alternative to this looks alot more attractive.
In western culture " love and romance" are supposedly everywhere. Everyone is out looking for love freely. Meeting someone, going out, seeking pleasure sounds alot better.
But what about the downside? For love at first sight, you need to have the right image, the right hair, the right clothes.
Girls have to aspire to be like the latest supermodels, they have to hold back age. Who's going out with who, what are my friends thinking, what will happen if I don't get the right girl or guy, what is my girlfriend or boyfriend thinking, all become important.
Frustration, desperation, and unhappiness become the norm.
Imagine all the heartache youth would save if they followed the Islamic alternative.
In true Islam, unlike culture, there is no game playing. If two people wish to be involved they are both straight with one another.
Unlike what goes on today amongst some Muslims, they both meet each other and make a contract to marry. Women are treated with respect, there is no sexual bombardment like there is in western society. Sex in western culture is also often seen as a vice or a sin of the flesh. But even in religious Islam, sex is seen as natural. As long as it is in the right circumstances, when the two are committed to one another in marriage.
Drinking in college is also the norm unfortunately. If you don't drink or party you're seen as weird. Drinking is cool and a way for people to socialize, meet and have fun. The one who doesn't is less of a person and 'misses out'. Drinking and all the harms that come with it is cut off at the root in Islam. So many problems are avoided, accidents, pregnancy, violence and even rape for example.
In college and in the world, success in life is not seen in terms of religion. It is seen as what other people think, one's careers, how much money they make. If you are religious you must have failed at life. But why do we have this seperation? and this blindness in religion?
The Quran tells us again and again not to have blind faith, not to follow the religion of our forefathers.
Yet, we as Muslims have stopped thinking. We may think about what our friends or other people will say, but we avoid thinking about the real issues.
We spend so much time on the opposite sex, thinking about careers, money etc, but we forget to think about death and how much of this we will really be able to take with us?

"Every soul shall have a taste of death and only on the Day of Judgement shall you be paid your full recompense...for the life of this world is but goods and chattels of deception"
(Quran 3:185)

Shouldn't we take the time to contemplate what will happen to us after we hit the grave? After all, what is the point of life if we are not accountable for our actions? If there is no creator, what is the point of being honest or good.
If we really look at our life we see that everything is indefinate, getting a job, even living until tomorrow. In fact we could die anytime, this is a definate, the _only_ dead certain thing in our life.
Most of us believe we can make up for our actions later or we can be religious later. We are gambling.
The chances of our dying today are little, but the stakes are high. Allah reminds us of the importance of this,

"O you who believe, obey Allah as he should be obeyed, and die not except in a state of Islam" (Qu'ran 3:102)

Each of us needs to decide.
On the Day of Judgment it will be us alone who will be asked about our actions.

"Verily We have revealed the Book to thee in truth, for (instructing) mankind. He, then that receives guidance benefits his own soul: but he that strays injurs his own soul..."
(Quran 39:41)

This is the true definition of freedom. To learn about Islam and the world openly. To contemplate about life and death. And after learning the truth, obeying the word of God.

"Those on whom knowledge has been bestowed may learn that the (Quran) is the truth from your Lord, and that they believe therein, and their hearts may be made humbly (open)to it..."
(Quran 22:54)

Once students have this rock-solid intellectual belief in Islam, the corruptness and falseness of the people around them is clear. The beauty and wisdom of the islamic way, the best alternative is clear. What others do is of less importance. If others think they were weird to pray or weird to be honest, they would still pray and still be honest because they know their deen.
Our Quran's are left on the top shelves, gathering dust. Sometimes the most it is read is when someone dies. How is this to help, when the guidance comes too late.  The Quran is for the living. The path to understanding and following Islam comes from learning first. How many of us are Muslim, yet have never read the Quran in our native language?
How many of us are Muslim, yet have yet to open a book on hadith or sunnah?
How many of us defend Islam to non-Muslims, but do not follow it ourselves?
May Allah forgive and lead us and all those lost to the straight path.
InshaAllah.
Ameen.
By Huma Ahmad
based on a talk by Abdul Wajid "Born to be Brown", UK

Ruling on using perfume

Q. I read one of the answers which says that it is not permissible for women to wear perfume when going out, because men may smell the perfume and be tempted by it. Doesn't the same ruling apply to men also, because women may be tempted by the perfume that men wear?  My second question is: Is it permissible to pray wearing perfume?
Ans:
Firstly:
It is proven that the Prophet (blessings and peace of Allah be upon him) said: “Any woman who puts on perfume and passes by people so that they can smell her fragrance is a zaaniyah(fornicatoress).” Narrated by Imam Ahmad (19212) and al-Nasaa’i (5126); classed as hasan by al-Albaani in Saheeh al-Jaami‘.
With regard to men, they are not forbidden to do that; rather it is mustahabb for men to use perfume on all occasions, and it is particularly mustahabb on Fridays and Eid, when people gather in mosques and prayer-places and so on. The Prophet (blessings and peace of Allah be upon him) loved perfume and used it. The Messenger of Allah (blessings and peace of Allah be upon him) said: “Women and perfume have been made clear to me and my delight is in prayer.” Narrated by Ahmad (11885), al-Nasaa’i (3940); classed as saheeh by al-Albaani.
The difference between women and men is that the basic principle with regard to woman is that she should stay in her house and use her adornment there, so that no temptation will be caused by her and she will not encounter any negative consequences. In the case of men, the man goes out of his house and works, and travels about, and mixes with people in gatherings, marketplaces and so on.
Moreover the temptation of men by women is greater than the temptation of women by men; if a man is attracted by a woman he can pursue her and  try to tempt her; but a woman is usually pursued and is not the pursuer. If it so happens that she is attracted to a man, she would not pursue him, because the shyness and chastity that are part of her inherent nature usually prevent her from pursuing him. Moreover, if she stays in her house and does not go out often and mix with man, that prevents this fitnah or prevents her acting upon it.
Secondly:
With regard to praying with perfume on, if she does that in her house there is nothing wrong with her doing that. But if she is outside her house, it is not permissible for her to put on perfume, whether she is going to the mosque or anywhere else; rather it is narrated that women are specifically forbidden to use perfume when going to the mosque.
It was narrated that Zaynab, the wife of ‘Abd-Allah ibn Mas‘ood (may Allah be pleased with her and her husband) said: The Messenger of Allah (blessings and peace of Allah be upon him) said to us: “If one of you (women) wants to go to the mosque, let her not put on perfume.” Narrated by Muslim (443). 
What the Muslim woman should do, if she wants to go to the mosque, is to go out wearing her hijab, not wearing adornment or anything like perfume or anything else that may attract attention or cause fitnah.
It was narrated from Abu Hurayrah (may Allah be pleased with him) that the Messenger of Allah (blessings and peace of Allah be upon him) said: “Do not prevent the female servants of Allah from going to the mosques of Allah, but let them go out (ukhrijna) unadorned.” Narrated by Ahmad (9362) and Abu Dawood (565).
Ibn Daqeeq al-Eid (may Allah have mercy on him) said:
Also included with perfume is whatever comes under the same heading; perfume is only forbidden because it may provoke men’s desires, and it may also provoke a woman's desire too [i.e., if she uses perfume, her desire may be stirred up].  Whatever could cause a similar effect is also forbidden. It is narrated in a saheeh report that the Prophet (blessings and peace of Allah be upon him) said: “Any woman who scents herself with bukhoor (incense) should not attend ‘Isha’ prayer with us.” To that may be added beautiful clothes and wearing jewellery that can be seen. Some of them interpreted the words of ‘Aa’ishah (may Allah be pleased with her) in al-Saheeh - “If the Messenger of Allah (blessings and peace of Allah be upon him) could see what women have introduced after he died, he would have forbidden them to go to the mosques, as the women of the Children of Israel were forbidden” -- as referring to this, i.e., the introduction of beautiful clothing, perfume and adornment. End quote.
Ihkaam al-Ahkaam Sharh ‘Umdat al-Ahkaam, 1/196. See also: ‘Awn al-Ma‘bood Sharh Sunan Abi Dawood.
And Allah knows best.
Islam Q&A

The Status Of Two Who Love One Another For The Sake Of Allah

Many hadith describe the status of two people who love one another for the sake of Allah (subhanahu wa ta`ala), and describe the high position in Paradise which He has promised them and the great honour which He will bestow upon them on the Day when mankind is resurrected to meet the Rabb of the Worlds: Among them is the hadith which describes the seven whom Allah (subhanahu wa ta`ala) will shade on the Day when there is no shade but His:
"...a just leader; a youth who grows up worshipping Allah (subhanahu wa ta`ala); a man who is deeply attached to the mosque; two men who love one another for the sake of Allah (subhanahu wa ta`ala), meeting for His sake and parting for His sake; a man who is called by a beautiful woman and says, I fear Allah (subhanahu wa ta`ala)'; a man who gives charity in secret such that his left hand does not know what his right hand is doing; and a man who remembers Allah (subhanahu wa ta`ala) when he is alone and his eyes fill with tears." (Bukhari and Muslim)
The two who love one another for the sake of Allah (subhanahu wa ta`ala) are clearly shown to be among those whom Allah (subhanahu wa ta`ala) will shelter with His shade and upon whom He will shower His mercy and kindness. What a great honour! It is enough honour for those who love one another for the sake of Allah (subhanahu wa ta`ala that their Almighty Rabb will greet them on the Day of Resurrection and say to them: "Where are those who loved one another for My glory? Today I will shade them in My shade on the Day when there is no shade but Mine." (Muslim)
Such is the magnificent honour and tremendous reward that will be bestowed upon those who truly loved one another for the sake of Allah (subhanahu wa ta`ala), on that awesome Day.
Love for the sake of Allah (subhanahu wa ta`ala), and not for the sake of anything else in this life which is filled with greed, desires and interests, is very difficult, and none can attain it except the one who is pure of heart, for whom this world is as nothing compared to the pleasure of Allah (subhanahu wa ta`ala). It is not surprising that Allah (subhanahu wa ta`ala) should give them a status and blessing which is commensurate with their position in this world, above whose concerns they have risen. We find proof of this in the hadith of Mu'adh who said that the Prophet (sallallahu `alayhi wa sallam) said:
"Allah (subhanahu wa ta`ala) said: 'Those who love one another for My glory, will have minbars of light, and the Prophets and martyrs will wish that they had the same." [Reported by al-Tirmidhi, who said it is a hasan sahih hadith]
Allah (subhanahu wa ta`ala) gives to those who love one another for His sake a gift which is even greater than this status and blessing: that is His precious love which is very difficult to attain. This is proven by the hadith of Abu Hurayrah (radhiallahu `anhu) in which the Prophet (sallallahu `alayhi wa sallam) said:
"A man went to visit a brother of his in another village. Allah (subhanahu wa ta`ala) sent an angel to wait for him on the road. When the man came along, the angel asked him, 'Where do you intend to go?' He said, 'I am going to visit a brother of mine who lives in this village.' The angel asked, 'Have you done him any favour (for which you are now seeking repayment)?' He said, 'No. I just love him for the sake of Allah (subhanahu wa ta`ala).' The angel told him, I am a messenger to you from Allah (subhanahu wa ta`ala), sent to tell you that He loves you as you love your brother for His sake."' (Muslim)
What a great love, that raises a man to a position where Allah (subhanahu wa ta`ala) loves him and is pleased with him!
The teaching of the Prophet (sallallahu `alayhi wa sallam) goes even further and states that the better of two brothers who love one another for the sake of Allah (subhanahu wa ta`ala) is the one who loves his brother more. The Prophet (sallallahu `alayhi wa sallam) said:
"No two men love one another, but the better of them is the one whose love for his brother is greater." [Reported by Bukhari in al-Adab al-Mufrad]
Islam goes even further in spreading love in the rightly guided Muslim society by telling the Muslim that if he loves his brother, he should tell him. The Prophet (sallallahu `alayhi wa sallam) said:   "If a man loves his brother, let him tell him that he loves him." [Reported by Abu Dawud and al-Tirmidhi, who said it is a sahih hadith]
The Prophet (sallallahu `alayhi wa sallam) understood the impact of this strong, pure love in building societies and nations, so he never let any occasion pass without advocating this love and commanding the Muslims to announce their love for one another, in order to open hearts and spread love and purity among the ranks of the Ummah.

Anas (radhiallahu `anhu) said that a man was with the Prophet (sallallahu `alayhi wa sallam), when another man passed by. The first man said, "O Messenger of Allah, indeed I truly love this man." The Prophet (sallallahu `alayhi wa sallam) asked him, "Have you let him know that?" He said, "No." The Prophet (sallallahu `alayhi wa sallam) said, "Tell him." He caught up with him and told him, "Truly I love you for the sake of Allah (subhanahu wa ta`ala)," and the man said, "May Allah (subhanahu wa ta`ala) love you who loves me for His sake." [Reported by Abu Dawud, with a sahih isnad]

Mu'adh began to spread this pure love among the Muslims throughout the Muslim lands, telling them what he had heard from the Prophet (sallallahu `alayhi wa sallam) about the great reward that Allah (subhanahu wa ta`ala) had prepared for those who loved one another for His sake, and about His great love for them. In al-Muwatta', Imam Malik gives a report with a sahih isnad from Abu Idris al-Khulani who said: "I entered the mosque of Damascus, where I saw a young man who had a bright smile, and I saw the people gathered around him. When they disagreed on some matter, they referred it to him, and accepted his opinion. I asked who he was, and they told me, 'This is Mu'adh ibn Jabal (radhiallahu `anhu)." Early the next day, I went to the mosque but I found that he had arrived even earlier than I. He was praying, so I waited until he had finished, then I approached him from in front, greeted him and said, 'By Allah (subhanahu wa ta`ala) I love you.' He said, 'For the sake of Allah (subhanahu wa ta`ala)?' I said, 'For the sake of Allah'. He repeated his question, 'For the sake of Allah (subhanahu wa ta`ala)?' and I said, 'For the sake of Allah.' So he took hold of my collar and pulled me towards him and said, 'I have good news for you. I heard the Prophet (sallallahu `alayhi wa sallam) say: "Allah Almighty says: 'My love is granted to those who love one another for My sake, who visit one another for My sake, and who spend on one another for My sake.'"'

Dr. Muhammad Ali Al-Hashimi

The difference between Love and a Haraam Relationship

Question: I am a 24 years old girl. I fell in love, no dates, no meetings involved, pure love to a pure religious person. He promised to marry me and asked me to wait for him as his circumstances are difficult. I do not remember that he called me more than once. I asked him not to call me; because I feel this is wrong, although I love him. I felt that our love started going in the direction, he agreed to this feeling, and respected my opinion. He just sends me E-mails every so often via internet, so that I know his news. We have been in this love relationship for one year. I know this person and his family, and they know us well as well. I love him for Allah’s sake and sure he loves me as well. The problem is that I started receiving proposals, about 8 so far. Every time I refuse because I promised to wait for him. Now I am confused, is what I am doing halal or haram? I pray, Alhamdulillah, all obligatory and optional prayers, and pray qiyaam in the night as well; I fear I lose my good deeds because of what I am doing. Is a pure chaste love haram? Is my love to him halal or haram?.

Answer: Praise be to Allaah.
First of all I ask Allaah to guide you and grant you happiness, and I ask Him to increase the numbers of girls like you who are keen to maintain chastity and purity and adhere to the sacred limits of Allaah in their affairs, among the most important of which are emotional relationships that many people take lightly, so they overstep the mark and transgress the sacred limits of Allaah, and Allaah tests them with problems that we read about and hear of, in which there is a lesson for every Muslim and for every wise person.
You should note that correspondence and contact between the sexes is one of the doors that lead to fitnah (temptation). Sharee’ah is filled with evidence which indicates that it is essential to beware of falling into the traps of the shaytaan in this matter. When the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) saw a young man merely looking at a young woman, he turned his head so as to make him look away, then he said: “I saw a young man and a young woman, and I did not trust the shaytaan not to tempt them.” Narrated by al-Tirmidhi (885) and classed as hasan by al-Albaani in Saheeh al-Tirmidhi.
Hence you did well to cut off contact with this young man, and we hope that you will stop corresponding too, because correspondence is one of the greatest doors to corruption that have been opened for people nowadays. This has been discussed in a number of questions.
This does not mean that it is haraam for a man or woman to like a specific person whom he or she chooses to be a spouse, and feel love for that person and want to marry them if possible. Love has to do with the heart, and it may appear in a person’s heart for reasons known or unknown. But if it is because of mixing or looking or haraam conversations, then it is also haraam. If it is because of previous acquaintance, being related or because of hearing about that person, and one cannot ward it off, then there is nothing wrong with that love, so long as one adheres to the sacred limits set by Allaah.
Ibn al-Qayyim (may Allaah have mercy on him) said:
If love develops for a reason that is not haraam, a person cannot be blamed for that, such as one who loves his wife or his slave woman, then he leaves her but that love remains and does not leave him. He is not to be blamed for that. The same applies if he glances accidentally then looks away, but love may settle in his heart without him wanting it to. But he has to ward it off and look away. End quote.
Rawdat al-Muhibbeen (p. 147).
Shaykh Ibn ‘Uthaymeen (may Allaah have mercy on him) said:
A person may hear that a woman is of good character and virtuous and knowledgeable, so he may want to marry her. Or a woman may hear that a man is of good character and virtuous and knowledgeable and religiously committed, so she may want to marry him. But contact between the two who admire one another in ways that are not Islamically acceptable is the problem, which leads to disastrous consequences. In this case it is not permissible for the man to get in touch with the woman or for the woman to get in touch with the man, and say that he wants to marry her. Rather he should tell her wali (guardian) that he wants to marry her, or she should tell her wali that she wants to marry him, as ‘Umar (may Allaah be pleased with him) did when he offered his daughter Hafsah in marriage to Abu Bakr and ‘Uthmaan (may Allaah be pleased with them both). But if the woman contacts the man directly, this is what leads to fitnah (temptation). End quote.
Liqaa’aat al-Baab il-Maftooh (26/question no. 13)
Our advice to you is that it is essential to stop corresponding with this young man, and tell him that he has to propose to you through your wali, if he really does want to get married. He should not regard his material circumstances or anything else as a barrier. The matter is simple, in sha Allaah, and if a person is content with little, Allaah will make him independent of means by His grace and bounty. He should at least contact your wali and do the shar’i marriage contract, and if the consummation is delayed there is nothing wrong with that. But if it remains as a promise to get married, ande correspondence continues between you on that basis, this – according to the rulings of sharee’ah and the experience of real life – is a wrong path that opens the door to sin and corruption. You can be certain that you will never find happiness except by obeying Allaah and adhering to the limits set by his sharee’ah. The permissible ways are sufficient and there is no need for haraam means, but we make it hard for ourselves and the shaytaan takes advantage of that.
Your delay in getting married is very harmful for you. You are getting older and this young man’s circumstances are not improving; you are not marrying him and you are not marrying anyone else. Beware of delaying, for that will only cause harm. You should realize that one of these men who have proposed marriage may be more religiously committed and righteous than that young man, and there may be far greater love with him than there is between you and that young man.
And Allaah knows best.

Ruling on Masturbation and How to Cure the Problem

Question:
I have a question which I am shy to ask but another sister who has come to Islam recently wants an answer to and I do not have an answer (with dalils(proof) from the Qur'an and Sunnah). I hope you can help and I hope Allah will for give me if it is inappropriate but as Muslims we should never be shy in seeking knowledge. Her question was "Is it permissible in Islam to masturbate?". May Allah increase us all in knowledge.

Answer:
Praise be to Allaah.
Masturbation (for both men and women) is haraam (forbidden) in Islam based on the following evidence:
First from the Qur’aan:
Imam Shafi’i stated that masturbation is forbidden based on the following verses from the Qur’aan (interpretation of the meaning):
"And those who guard their chastity (i.e. private parts, from illegal sexual acts). Except from their wives or (the captives and slaves) that their right hands possess, - for them, they are free from blame. But whoever seeks beyond that, then those are the transgressors." 23.5-7
Here the verses are clear in forbidding all illegal sexual acts (including masturbation) except for the wives or that their right hand possess. And whoever seeks beyond that is the transgressor.
"And let those who find not the financial means for marriage keep themselves chaste, until Allah enriches them of His bounty." 24.33. This verse also clearly orders whoever does not have the financial means to marry to keep himself chaste and be patient in facing temptations (including masturbation) until Allah enriches them of His bounty.
Secondly, from the Sunnah of the Prophet (peace be upon him):
Abdullaah ibn Mas’ood said, "We were with the Prophet while we were young and had no wealth whatsoever. So Allaah’s Messenger said,"O young people! Whoever among you can marry, should marry, because it helps him lower his gaze and guard his modesty (i.e. his private parts from committing illegal sexual intercourse etc.), and whoever is not able to marry, should fast, as fasting diminishes his sexual power." Bukhari:5066. The hadeeth orders men who are not able to marry to fast despite the hardship encountered in doing so, and not to masturbate despite the ease with which it can be done.
There are additional evidences that can be cited to support this ruling on masturbation, but due to the limited space we will not go through them here. Allaah knows what is best and most correct.
As for curing the habit of masturbation, we recommend the following suggestions:
1) The motive to seek a cure for this problem should be solely following Allaah’s orders and fearing His punishment.
2) A permanent and quick cure from this problem lies in marriage as soon as the person is able, as shown in the Prophet’s hadeeth.
3) Keeping oneself busy with what is good for this world and the hereafter is essential in breaking this habit before it becomes second nature after which it is very difficult to rid oneself of it.
4) Lowering the gaze (from looking at forbidden things such as pictures, movies etc.) will help suppress the desire before it leads one to commit the haraam (forbidden). Allaah orders men and women to lower their gaze as shown in the following two verses and in the Prophet’s hadeeth (interpretations of the meanings): "Tell the believing men to lower their gaze (from looking at forbidden things) and protect their private parts (from illegal sexual acts, etc.). That is purer for them. Verily, Allah is all-aware of what they do. And tell the believing women to lower their gaze (from looking at forbidden things) and protect their private parts (from illegal sexual acts, etc.) ..... " 24.30-31
Allaah’s messenger said: "Do not follow a casual (unintentional) look (at forbidden things) with another look." Al-Tirmidhi 2777. This is a general instruction by the Prophet to abstain from all that may sexually excite a person because it might lead him/her to commit the haraam (forbidden).
5) Using one’s available leisure time in worshiping Allaah and increasing religious knowledge.
6) Being cautious not to develop any of the medical symptoms that may result from masturbation such as weak eyesight, weak nervous system, and/or back pain. More importantly, feeling of guilt and anxiety that can be complicated by missing obligatory prayers because of the need to shower (ghusl) after every incidence of masturbation.
7) Avoiding the illusion that some youth have that masturbation is permissible because it prevents them from committing illegal sexual acts such as fornication or even homosexuality.
8) Strengthening one’s willpower and avoiding spending time alone as recommended by the Prophet when he said "Do not spend the night alone" Ahmad 6919.
9) Following the Prophet’s aforementioned hadeeth and fast when possible, because fasting will temper one’s sexual desire and keep it under control. However, one should not overreact and swear by Allaah not to return to the act because if one does not honor one’s promise, one would be facing the consequences of not living up to one’s oath to Allaah. Also, note that medication to diminish one’s sexual desire is strictly prohibited because it might permanently affect one’s sexual ability.
10) Trying to follow the Prophet’s recommendation concerning the etiquette of getting ready for bed, such as reading well-known supplications, sleeping on the right side, and avoiding sleeping on the belly (the Prophet forbade sleeping on the belly).
11) Striving hard to be patient and chaste, because persistence will eventually, Allaah willing, lead to attaining those qualities as second nature, as the Prophet explains in the following hadeeth: "Whoever seeks chastity Allaah will make him chaste, and whoever seeks help from none but Allaah, He will help him, and whoever is patient He will make it easy for him, and no one has ever been given anything better than patience." Bukhari:1469.
12) Repenting, asking forgiveness from Allaah, doing good deeds, and not losing hope and feeling despair are all prerequisites to curing this problem. Note that losing hope is one of the major sins punishable by Allaah.
13) Finally, Allaah is the Most Merciful and He always responds to whoever calls on Him. So, asking for Allah’s forgiveness will be accepted, by His will.
Wallahu a’lam. And Allah knows what is best and most correct.

Sheikh Muhammed Salih Al-Munajjid
Shaykh Sa’d al-Humayd
Jazak Allah Khair for reading

Ruling on taking boyfriends or girlfriends

Question: I am deeply in love with a Muslim man and want to marry him. I know that Allah forbids girlfriend-boyfriend relationships, and feel very sorry in my heart for our relationship. I feel that because we have been in this relationship which is abhorred by Allah, he will never marry me because he has lost respect for me. What does the Quran say about this?

Praise be to Allaah.

Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):
“… Wed them with the permission of their own folk and give them their mahr (dowry) according to what is reasonable; they should be chaste, not adulterous, nor taking boyfriends…” [al-Nisaa’ 4:25]
In his commentary on this aayah, Ibn Katheer (may Allaah have mercy on him) said:
“Muhsanaat [translated as “chaste”] means that they should be pure, not indulging in zinaa (unlawful sexual conduct), hence they are described as not being musaafihaat, which means promiscuous women who do not refuse anyone who wants to commit immoral acts with them.  Regarding the phrase wa laa muttakhidhaati akhdaan (‘nor taking boyfriends’), Ibn ‘Abbaas said: ‘al-musaafihaat means those who are known to commit zinaa, meaning those who will not refuse anyone who wants to commit immoral acts with them.’ Ibn ‘Abbaas also said: ‘muttakhidhaati akhdaan means lovers.

’ A similar interpretation was narrated from Abu Hurayrah, Mujaahid, al-Sha’bi, al-Dahhaak, ‘Ataa’ al-Khurasaani, Yahyaa ibn Abi Katheer, Muqaatil ibn Hayyaan and al-Saddi. They said:  (it means) lovers. Al-Hasan al-Basri said: ‘It means a (male) friend.’ Al-Dahhaak also said: ‘wa laa muttakhidhaati akhdaan also means a woman who has just one boyfriend or lover with whom she is happy. Allaah has also forbidden this, meaning marrying her so long as she is in that situation…’”

Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):
“Made lawful to you this day are al-tayyibaat [all kinds of halaal (lawful) foods…]. The food of the People of the Scripture (Jews and Christians) is lawful to you and yours is lawful to them. (Lawful to you in marriage) are chaste women from the believers and chaste women from those who were given the Scripture (Jews and Christians) before your time, when you have given their due mahr (bridal money given by the husband to the wife at the time of marriage), desiring chastity (i.e., taking them in legal wedlock), not committing illegal sexual intercourse, nor taking them as girlfriends. And whosoever disbelieves in the Oneness of Allaah and in all the other Articles of Faith, the fruitless is his work, and in the Hereafter he will be among the losers.” [al-Maa’idah 5:5]

Ibn Katheer (may Allaah have mercy on him) said:
“Muhsineen ghayr musaafiheen wa laa muttakhidhi akhdaan (‘desiring chastity (i.e., taking them in legal wedlock), not committing illegal sexual intercourse, nor taking them as girlfriends’).  Just as Allaah imposed the condition of chastity on women, meaning that they refrain from zinaa, so it is also imposed on men.  The man must also be pure and chaste. So they should be ghayr musaafiheen, meaning they should not be adulterers who do not refrain from sin and do not refuse any who come to them (for immoral purposes).  Nor should they be muttakhidhi akhdaan, meaning those who have girlfriends or female lovers with whom they have an exclusive relationship, as quoted above from Soorat al-Nisaa’.  (The one with many lovers or the one with just one lover) are both the same.

 For this reason Imaam Ahmad ibn Hanbal (may Allaah have mercy on him) said that it is not right to marry a promiscuous woman unless she has repented, or to arrange a marriage of such a woman to a chaste man, so long as she is still conducting herself in this manner. Similarly, he (Ahmad) says that it is not right for a promiscuous man to marry a chaste woman unless he repents and gives up his immoral conduct, because of this aayah… We will discuss this matter in further detail after quoting the aayah (interpretation of the meaning):

“Let no man guilty of fornication or adultery marry any but a woman similarly guilty, or an unbeliever: nor let any but such a man or an unbeliever marry such a woman: to the Believers such a thing is forbidden.” [al-Noor 24:3]

Among the stories that show that it is forbidden to have girlfriends or to marry them is the story of Marthad ibn Abi Marthad, who used to smuggle Muslim prisoners-of-war from Makkah to Madeenah.  There was a prostitute in Makkah, called ‘Anaaq, who had been a friend of Marthad’s.  Marthad had promised to take one of the prisoners from Makkah to Madeenah.  He said: “I came to the shade of one of the gardens of Makkah on a moonlit night, then ‘Anaaq came and saw my shadow by the garden. When she reached me, she recognized me and said: ‘Marthad?’ I said, ‘Marthad.’  She said: ‘Welcome! Stay with us tonight.’ I said, ‘O ‘Anaaq, Allaah has forbidden zinaa (unlawful sexual relations)’ … I came to the Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) and asked him, ‘O Messenger of Allaah, should I marry ‘Anaaq?’ The Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) remained silent and did not answer me at all, until the aayah
 
‘Let no man guilty of adultery or fornication marry any but a woman similarly guilty, or an Unbeliever; nor let any but such a man or an Unbeliever marry such a woman; to the Believers such a thing is forbidden’ [al-Noor 24:3 – Yusuf ‘Ali’s translation] was revealed.

Then the Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said:  ‘O Marthad, Let no man guilty of adultery or fornication marry any but a woman similarly guilty, or an Unbeliever; nor let any but such a man or an Unbeliever marry such a woman, so do not marry her.’”

(Reported by al-Tirmidhi, 3101; he said: it is a hasan ghareeb hadeeth).
‘Abd-Allaah ibn Maghfal reported that there was a woman who had been a prostitute during the days of ignorance (before Islam).  A man passed by her, or she passed by him, and he touched her.  She said: “Stop it! (Mah! A word connoting a rebuke or denunciation).  Allaah has done away with shirk and had brought Islam.”  So he left her alone and went away, still looking at her, until he walked into a wall, hitting his face.  He came to the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) and told him what had happened.  The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “You are a man for whom Allaah wishes good. When Allaah, may He be blessed and exalted, wishes good for His slave, He hastens the punishment for his sin, so that it is dealt with before the Day of Resurrection.” (Reported by al-Haakim, 1/349, who said this hadeeth is saheeh according to the conditions of Muslim, and al-Dhahabi agreed with him. See Saheeh al-Jaami’, 308).

These aayaat and ahaadeeth clearly indicate that it is haraam (forbidden) for men to have any kind of friendship or relationship with non-mahram women (women to whom they are not closely-related and to whom they could get married).

The evil consequences and misery caused by such relationships are obvious to anyone who observes real life.  A similar question has been asked under #2085.  We ask Allaah to keep us far away from that which is forbidden, to protect us from all that may earn His wrath and to keep us safe from a painful punishment. May Allaah bless our Prophet Muhammad.

Islam Q&A
Sheikh Muhammed Salih Al-Munajjid

How can I advise someone who is addicted to pornography?

How can I advise someone who is addicted to pornography?

I have a friend who uses the internet and goes to pornographic websites. What is the shar’i ruling on that, and how can I help him to keep away from such things?.
Praise be to Allaah.
It is not permissible to look at pornographic pictures that show the charms of women, either on internet web sites or in newspapers or magazines etc. That is because looking at them is a means of enjoying them and knowing the beauty of the woman in the picture.
This may also be a means that leads to something haraam, so it is also regarded as haraam, because the means come under the same rulings as the ends.
Fataawa al-Lajnah al-Daa’imah, 2424.
Many people take the matter of looking at pictures of non-mahram women lightly, on the grounds that these are just pictures and are not real. But this is a very serious matter, because it inevitably tempts a man to try to look at the woman directly. Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):
“Tell the believing men to lower their gaze (from looking at forbidden things), and protect their private parts (from illegal sexual acts). That is purer for them"
[al-Noor 24:30]
Majmoo’ Fataawa wa Rasaa’il Ibn ‘Uthaymeen, 1/268
You can help your friend to keep away from these things by always advising him and making him fear Allaah, and reminding him that Allaah is always watching him and that nothing is hidden from Him. And remind him of the blessings that Allaah has bestowed upon him, such as giving him eyes with which to see things that will benefit him, and He has forbidden him to use them to look at things that He has forbidden. Remind him that Allaah will question him about that, hence Allaah concludes the verse referred to above with the words (interpretation of the meaning):
“Verily, Allaah is All-Aware of what they do”
[al-Noor 24:30]
And Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):
“Verily, the hearing, and the sight, and the heart of each of those ones will be questioned (by Allaah)”
[al-Isra’ 17:36]
If a wise man thinks about it, when he is looking at these haraam pictures, he will realize that there is nothing behind these glances but loss, pain and sorrow, because he cannot really get what he sees in these pictures.
The poet spoke the truth when he said:
“When you give free rein to your eyes, this will cause great pain to your heart.
You will see what you cannot have, and you will feel frustration because you do not have some of what you see.”
So it is clear that there is nothing to be gained from these pictures except the wrath of Allaah, and wasting time and money on things that are not pleasing to Him, and tormenting yourself.
The Muslim has to seek chastity by means of marriage, and try his best to achieve that.
He should also give up bad company who may have a bad effect on him and encourage him to go to these bad web sites.
He should also keep himself busy with things that will benefit him in both religious and worldly terms, such as memorizing the Book of Allaah, attending gatherings of dhikr, and going to useful websites that contain sound knowledge.